Highlights
Darby Saxbe, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Southern California, where she runs a lab devoted to the science of family relationships. She is one of the few researchers in the world to have scanned men's brains as they became fathers, tracking couples from pregnancy through their babies' first year to map the neural and hormonal shifts of new fatherhood. Her new book, Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men's Lives, draws on that research—along with interviews with dads on four continents—to make the case that fatherhood transforms men almost as much as motherhood transforms women, and that our science, our workplaces, and our culture need to be updated in light of this reality.
Brad Wilcox: In Dad Brain, you argue that fatherhood deserves the same scientific attention we've long given to motherhood, noting that studies of parenthood run more than 10 to 1 in favor of moms. What first drew you—as woman—to spend a career studying men's transition into fatherhood, and what do you think researchers, doctors, and the culture at large have gotten most wrong about fatherhood?
Darby Saxbe: In my book, I tell the story of watching my dad grow into parenthood after my parent's divorce. My parents had a joint custody arrangement where my brothers and I spent every other week at my dad's house, and during those weeks, my dad was the sole parent in charge of us. Before that, in a fairly typically 1980s arrangement, my mom had been the default parent.
Witnessing my dad's evolution into a more hands-on parent made me curious about the plasticity of human parenthood and the ways in which people gain parenting skills. When it was time for me to set up my own research lab, I wanted to study the transition into parenthood. As I dug into the research literature, I was surprised to find that fathers had been so historically understudied. In research, it's always exciting to find gaps in the scientific record, because it creates the potential for new discoveries!
Across the board, the best dads are the ones who bring children what they need to survive and thrive in their specific context.
Wilcox: You describe fatherhood as "facultative" rather than obligatory—optional in a strict biological sense, but incredibly helpful in practice to kids and moms. Why do children specifically benefit from having an engaged father in their lives, above and beyond simply having another attentive adult around? And what does the wide range you found across cultures, from the hands-on Aka fathers of the Congo Basin to the more hands-off Kipsigis of Kenya, tell us about how fathers’ role in raising the next generation varies by conditions in the broader environment?
Saxbe: There is robust evidence that when fathers are involved and engaged in raising their kids, children show benefits across a variety of domains—from academic and employment outcomes, to physical and emotional health. Fathers' participation also seems to benefit moms' mental health. There are some specific benefits that fathers can bring; for example, they often play with kids in unique ways and do special activities with them. Their contributions are additive, not duplicative, of mothers' contributions.
In terms of the range of fathering behaviors, I think that helps illustrate the amazing flexibility of humans. In some cultures, fathers are intimately involved in day-to-day child care; in other cultures, the fatherhood role is mostly focused on protection and provision. It's often the economic model of the culture that drives fathers' participation. When the environmental conditions or cultural history means that economic resource gathering is risky and hazardous, for example, you see more gender specialization of work and parenting roles. In foraging cultures, as well as in many contemporary societies, women are contributing economically to families. It becomes more efficient for men and women to trade off care in a flexible way. Across the board, the best dads are the ones who bring children what they need to survive and thrive in their specific context.
Wilcox: Your own research found that new fathers' brains actually shrink in some of the same regions that change in new mothers' brains, and that testosterone and other hormones shift in fathers. too. What is happening inside a man's brain and body when he becomes a father, and why does this evidence matter for how we think about men's capacity—and readiness—to nurture? Does it show that active fatherhood basically domesticates men?
Saxbe: I think the word "domesticate" is a little loaded, but if by domesticated you mean that men become more stable and more oriented towards the care of others, then, yes, the brain and hormone adaptations that accompany the transition into fatherhood seem to serve that goal. As you said, men's brains seem to lose some gray matter volume, which appears to reflect a fine-tuning of networks that process social information. Men also show a dip in testosterone, and changes in hormones like prolactin and oxytocin that promote social bonding. Behaviorally, we often see that men seem to calm down when they become fathers—they take fewer risks and commit fewer crimes, for example. They are suddenly living not just in pursuit of their own gratification, but in service to their spouse and children.
Fathers' contributions are additive, not duplicative, of mothers' contributions.
Wilcox: You make the case that fatherhood isn't just good for kids, it's good for dads. What have you learned about how engaged fatherhood improves men's physical health, mental health, and sense of purpose and identity, and was there a finding here that most surprised you?
Saxbe: We know from decades of longitudinal research that the quality of men's relationships boosts their health and longevity in late life. As men invest more in building meaningful connections with their kids and their spouse, they reap those benefits. I'm especially excited about some newer brain studies that surprised me when I learned about them: There is evidence that when both women and men have children, they show markers of a younger-looking brain age! In other words, parenthood may be neuroprotective as we age, possibly because of the social integration that accompanies family formation.
Wilcox: Your lab's research on new parents found that fathers who took on more hands-on caregiving after birth were happier in their marriages, not less. What is the connection between engaged fatherhood and a strong marriage? Finally, on a related note, do you think we need to strengthen marriage to deepen the connection between fathers and their children?
Saxbe: The good news on married fatherhood is that the proportion of kids living in the same households as their father has actually increased from its nadir in the 1990s. It's now at about 76%, which is the highest level since 1989. The bad news is that the overall birth rate has dropped, so, although there is a higher percentage of kids living with their fathers, there are fewer kids being born overall.
As you mentioned, my lab found that when dads got more involved in child care in early parenthood, the quality of the marriage looked better, and men actually reported lower parenting stress—perhaps because they were building their parenting skills and feeling more confident about their ability to manage their children.
I worry about the falling marriage rate, which I know is a concern that you share at IFS. We might have different approaches in terms of how to fix this. My take is that we are seeing the consequences of a 'stalled gender revolution,' as the sociologist Arlie Hochschild put it: Women have surged into the paid work force in the last 60 years, such that the fastest-growing household configuration is the United States is the dual-earner couple in which men and women earn similar incomes. However, men have been slower to take on an equal share of the responsibilities of the home front. Some women are reluctant to marry and start families because they fear they'll shoulder a disproportionate share of household management, and we continue to undervalue housework and childcare at a societal level.
I think we need to raise boys to be better partners and parents and to build their relationship skills. We are already seeing a shift in men's fatherhood roles, such that men have increased their child care participation in the last 50 years. A generation or two ago, some men refused to change diapers and regarded activities like feeding, bathing, and dressing children as unmanly. Those attitudes are rare now, and that's a good thing.
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